Talking with someone who is dying

Toward the end of my mother's life I spent a lot of time with her, staying overnight with her because she was afraid to be alone. She couldn't talk much but she did ask why it was taking so long. She was not in pain but she was clearly struggling with living every day.

Our conversations became shorter as she declined. She didn't talk very much. I talked about what a good family she had and about how we would carry on as she and the rest of the family did after her mother and father died. I could see a small twinkle in her eye when I said we'd all be stuck in the cold weather while she'd be golfing where the sun was shining.

When she was actively dying we didn't say much of anything. I sat and held her hand when she took her last breath. I had promised her that I would be there when she died if I could and that I would hold her hand. I was glad I was able to keep my promise.

I don't miss the conversations about death, and as much as I would like to forget them, I know I will remember them at times. I hope that if I ever have to go through a similar experience, that the time I spent with my mom will help me know what to say and how to help the one who is dying. And when my time comes I hope I will keep in mind to use humor as much as possible to help my helper through it.

Humor Helps with Winter Blues

Several years ago, my friend Jackie had just finished reading aloud the first chapter of a book she had written. She was in a children's book writers' critique group with me. Jackie's goal was to interest and motivate middle school boys who didn't like to read books. Her story was about a couple of young teenage boys who discovered that a few common ingredients, when mixed together and slipped into food, would give people uncontrollable gas. The boys were greatly amused by the results of their trickery and wanted to spread the fun.

"Farts are cheap entertainment for kids," explained Jackie, then mother of four teenagers. The critique group giggled and tee-heed and gave the chapter "a two thumbs up." It was a silly, funny evening that made me feel like I was in sixth grade again.

I am not promoting flatulence as humor, just that laughter with friends makes us feel young. As we plow through the remainder of a record cold and snowy winter in the Northeast, trying to avoid our own March "madness," laughter is good medicine. If you are experiencing a long winter, wherever you live, I hope you will find fun, healthy ways to cope.

Dachshund Neck Warmer

Another way to help you get through the remainder of the winter is to use a Maine Warmers' microwave heating pad. It will warm a bed, cold hands and feet. Sign up for their e-Newsletter Dachshund Neck Warmer on March 12, 2015. They have other give-a-ways scheduled for the month of March and April.

to receive coupons and be entered in a give-a-way. Follow Maine Warmers on Facebook to be entered into a drawing for a free

Challenges of being a primary caregiver

I search for help during my mother's slow progression toward death. The Caregivers Journey, (Hospice Web site) is a beautifully written piece that helps visualize what one cannot know or see ahead on the path to the other side.

Some days are hard for me as the primary caregiver, and I feel guilty that I cannot be 100% everyday. Balancing the needs of my mother with my own need to be mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy is part of that journey. On those days when I have my own difficulties coping it is important to take time off, regroup, and find ways to escape the heaviness that accompanies the job. I feel awful leaving her to herself. But I know that others are there to help her too.

Microwave Sheep Heating Pad

I don't know how long the journey will be. It's hard to make plans ahead, especially travel plans. So, to make the best of each day, and to live my life with joy, I need to go to the gym or go outside and exercise, avoid the foods that may give me comfort for a few minutes but will make me gain unwanted pounds. There isn't much time to socialize, and rest. Managing my own needs with those of my mother and other family members is part of what makes this journey so challenging.

A Maine Warmers microwave heating pad helps me relax as it also helps elderly people who are inactive due to illness or stroke.

Finding the right person to talk to about death

Young people seem to have a hard time talking about death, even though they are curious about it.  Conversations about death make people uncomfortable.

I recently mentioned my mother’s wish to die to an acquaintance who asked about her. I could tell the conversation made this person uncomfortable and I tried to change the subject quickly. Injecting a little humor into a difficult conversation often makes a transition less awkward.

When someone is dying, the care-taker needs to maintain a healthy life balance. Having a confidant who can listen, understand, and empathize about the daily stresses of dealing with death is critical. Hospice has people who are trained, have experience, and are willing to be that person. Some people may have to deal with an impending death over a long period of time due to the nature of an illness and continued support is important.

If you need someone to talk to about death and family or friends are uncomfortable with the subject, then check out Hospice. They will help take care of you, too.

Dachshund microwave heating pads offer comforting companionship

Dealing with the discomfort of conversations about death

My grandmother’s wish to die seemed so unnatural to me when I was younger, but as I hear my mother utter, “I wish I could die,” I have more understanding.  She is dependent due to lack of mobility, inability to see or hear well, with little hope of improving.

Sometimes I try to make light of her “wishing to die” and respond by saying, “You’re too damn strong to die, Mom!” I try to shift the conversation to what is important to her after she dies and taking time to let her know the things I appreciate about her as a mother and that I will miss her.  

Her desire to die has a way of creeping into many discussions. Dwelling on the topic of dying doesn’t seem like a good idea. There are times when it is appropriate to remind her that I will do all in my power to make sure she is comfortable and does not feel any pain. Some repetition becomes security for her. Then shifting the discussion to remembering people who have died is more satisfying for both of us.

Discussions of my mother's expectation of death are more frequent, and as much as I try to make light of them, they do cause stress and anxiety. They make me wonder how I will handle my journey to the other side. I hope it will be with humor as much as possible. 

Panda Bear Microwave Body Warmer

The soothing warmth of a Maine Warmer helps me relax when I return home from the daily visits with my mom. 

Keeping humor in conversations with someone who is dying

Young or old, who wants to sit around and think about death when there is an opportunity to laugh?

When my children were babies and dependent I tried to make them happy and laugh. It is the same now with my mother. I try to find funny things to talk about with her like comical stories I read in the newspaper, funny things our grandchildren have done or said, humorous comments my husband makes, or something I have seen on Facebook. 

When my mother talks about death I listen. When she talks about wanting to die, the only way I can respond is to say that I understand her feelings, but she is strong and not ready yet.

I know while she is alive, she might as well try to have a good time, as long as she is physically and mentally up for it.  I am thankful that my mother has a sense of humor and is alert and aware, and that she has lived well into her nineties.

She is happy to have a Cozy Sheep Warmer to keep her company and comfy on cold

Cozy Sheep Bed & Body Warmer

winter nights.

Conversations about Death

Some of the hardest conversations we have are about money and sex. But talking about death tops both of those. We talk about giving birth easily, but we don’t recall the struggle to be born. When we talk with someone who is approaching death, we tend to feel uncomfortable, making the person who is dying uncomfortable.

Although death doesn’t seem like much of a laughing matter, it is possible to bring humor into the conversation without feeling guilty about it. It’s not the conversations about living wills and typical end of life issues, although some of those are difficult, but questions regarding when and how.

As I help my mother struggle with health issues that will in the near future claim her life, I try to reassure her that we will do our best to keep her comfortable and out of pain. Once that is stated she seems to be able to crack jokes about dying. Her ability to talk freely about it helps my discomfort.

In a recent stay at the hospital, she awoke and said to the early morning nurse, “Where am I? I thought I was supposed to be dead by now.”  The nurse thought that was a hoot.

When someone young is dying, the conversations may be very different. A good friend who passed away at age 50 talked openly about his death and was able to joke with his friends about it. It was the best thing we could do for him. But, I later felt unnecessarily guilty about laughing about death.  Conversations with people who are inexperienced with a loved-one dying, might include assurances that it is okay to laugh at death.

There is a feeling of helplessness that also accompanies the expected death of a friend or family member.

Maine Warmers' Foot Warmer Pad

We want to help, but there isn't much we can do except be there. Our friend’s wife told me that the microwave back warmer that we gave him was the only thing that could warm his feet as the cancer progressed. That was before I started Maine Warmers and one of the reasons I thought it was important to make these products available.

Encouraging Children to Enjoy Swim Lessons

We want to encourage our grandchildren to enjoy swimming and have taken them for lessons for several years at a local school.  In Maine, in the winter, the ladies’ locker room feels cold, especially after basking in the warmth of the heated pool area. Our young granddaughter’s teeth would be chattering as I tried to change her out of wet swimsuit and into some warm, dry duds.

I wondered if a Maine Warmer might help make that transition a little more comfortable for her and make the locker room experience less frantic.  I wanted to make the experience as comfortable and fun as I could.

So, before we left home I would microwave a Back Warmer, wrap it in a Turkish towel, and place it in a canvas bag. We would leave an hour before the lesson, pick up our grandchildren, and drive to the pool. At the locker room I placed the bag in the locker while we waited the hour for the lesson. After two hours, the towel and heating pad would be nice and warm and our granddaughter was elated to be wrapped in a heated, dry towel while I pulled her clothes out of the locker.

Warm a Turkish towel with a Maine Warmers' Back Warmer and enjoy soothing warmth after a winter swim in a pool.

The Turkish towel is quite large but folds up into a small area, taking up less room than the terry towel that she takes into the pool area and returns with soaking wet.

Once dried, dressed, and in the car, we gave them snacks – usually a banana, but occasionally a granola bar. We would return them to their home just at suppertime. On the last day of the session, we would take them out or buy pizza to celebrate them and with their parents.

Maine Warmers’ microwave bed and body warmers bring soothing warmth and comfort in the middle of winter to young and old. A variety of Neck Warmers and Back Warmers are available in traditional shapes or in unique animal designs and patterns.

Maine Warmers' Cozy Sheep Bed and Body Warmer

What kind of ice pack to use for face surgery?

The types of ice packs that are given to patients by surgeons after surgery on the face are generally gel packs

gel pack

that are hard and stiff -- not very comfortable on the face. When I recently had basal skin cells removed from my nose and needed to reduce swelling, I felt fortunate to have an ice pack that was soft, pliable, and gentle. I was able to reduce swelling comfortably.

Teenager using Maine Warmers' gentle ice pack

This Maine Warmers' gentle ice pack for the face is not harsh like ice cubes because the corn filling inside it does not get quite as cold as ice. It helped reduce swelling and offered soothing relief.

The "Maine Ice" pack can be purchased by itself.

It is also the packet inside each Hand Warmer Mitten and if you own a pair of Hand Warmers you could use the packet for ice as well as heat. The mitten may keep you hand from getting cold while you use the ice pack.

The ice pack can be stored in the freezer in a plastic bag. It takes about 1 hour to cool it off, then it is ready to use. Most physicians recommend icing about 10 - 20 minutes in one hour.

These Facial Ice Packs are also gentle for surgeries in sensitive areas -- other than the face. They conform to your body.

Maine Ice Pack for the face

What to look for in a microwave heating pad

When you need a heating pad for sore muscles a microwave heating pad offers comfort with convenience. There aren't any electrical cords to deal with and no filling or leaking hot water bottles. 

The fabrics should be high quality and not break down or pill after laundering. Microwave heating pads should have removable, washable covers. The inside lining should have a removable cover, so if something spills or the filling needs to be changed it can be done without any sewing.

If you are allergic to scents and perfumes, choose a heating pad that does not have added fragrances. Those filled with whole corn do not need fragrances. Rice filled heating pads can take on a peculiar odor after being microwaved several times. Cherry pit fillings do not take on peculiar odors, but they have an odor that is not as appealing as I thought it would be. I have read that the insides of cherry pits are poisonous if ingested, so if you have pets you might not want to use a cherry pit filled warmer just in case your dog or cat thinks it's a toy or a snack. Dried beans make a good filling, although they may have to be changed out if they take on an unpleasant odor.

The best microwave heating pads can be found at Maine Warmers and are filled with whole corn and are made in Maine by professional sewers with high quality fabrics. They have a variety of fun designs for backs and necks and some unique animal shapes -- sheep, bears, seals, Dachshunds, cats, and more.

Order them online or call them. They are happy to talk with you and will go out of their way to ship your order fast when you need it in a hurry. 888-835-7485

Check out their products and feedback on eBay, or reviews on Google+.

Be sure to sign up for their monthly newsletter to be included in a drawing once a month for a free warmer. They do not share your info, do not SPAM you, and you may unsubscribe at any time.

Things to do with kids when you are broke

When money is tight there are many things we can do to enjoy life and not break the bank.

Here are a few:

Gather the kids, friends, and friends’ kids for a scenic day hike or a walk. Do a little homework to 

find a good location and take time to talk with kids about what the hike will be like and what things to take along and why. Get them to help make a little home-made safety kit with a few bandages, wipes, and ointment. Take insect repellent and sunscreen and layers of clothing for changes in weather. Don’t forget a lunch – get them to help make it. Talk about the things you see on the hike. Ask them to tell you about things they have learned in school regarding the things they see. Or sing together on part of the walk.

If it is raining, stay home and make something that they like. When my children were young and they wanted a Fisher-Price Star Wars toy, and we didn’t have the money to buy one, I found some cardboard boxes and we made one together. It took a whole day, but they played with it for a long time and because they helped make it, they took care of it.

Go to a free or low cost museum. Sometimes there are small museums that offer a glimpse into things that you or your kids don’t know. It’s worth a peek and then talk about what you see and why they liked it or didn't like it. Make a bowl of popcorn and some hot chocolate and discuss what you learned and how the museum could be improved.

Sometimes the thoughts of owning things are more appealing than actually having them. When we look at what is really most important in our lives and take time to spend with the people we love, then we are rich, no matter how broke we are.

Betsy Hanscom is the owner of Maine Warmers. On her blog you can find out how to make your own rice or corn sock. If you have kids, get them to decorate a sock with felt or other fabric -- nothing metallic -- and make your own rice sock. If you are not broke and want a fun gift, especially for a child with arthritis, consider a gift of an Al-the-Gator heat wrap.

Living within a Budget

Over the years I have written a number of budgets, managed cash-flow, scrimped and saved, and made minor to major financial decisions -- both personal and business-related. Finding a balance between what is needed and what is available is always the trick. We have more wants than needs, and as the song goes, “You can’t always get what you want…  but if you try sometime, you just might find you get what you need.”

When money is tight I tend to first save on food. We don’t go out for dinner. At the end of the day, when I don’t feel like cooking and want something nutritious, instead of buying a pizza or going out, I stop at the grocery store and buy a green salad and a cooked chicken or frozen shrimp or even smoked salmon (depending on what I have to spend).

I used to go to the library frequently. There I could check out all kinds of books from cookbooks to 

fix-it-yourself books, some on how to sew, and others on writing and drawing. When the toilet broke or the faucet leaked I found out how to repair it in a book. If it needed a valve with a plumber’s expertise, then I called one in. In the long run it's less costly to have this kind of repair done correctly than it would to pay for the damage caused from a major water leak. Today, the Internet may offer the same solutions to do-it-yourself household repair.

Starting with a realistic budget is critical. Then finding ways to stick with it is the challenge. Engage the help of your partner if you have one because you will need his or her understanding to make it work. If only one lives within the budget and the other does not, there is sure to be some conflict.

Betsy Hanscom is the owner of Maine Warmers, LLC. She designs microwave heating pads in traditional and animal shapes.

Alternative Therapies for Knee Pain

I would like to participate in a new medical study regarding natural therapies to help sore knees.  According to Eve Jacobs in her article, Knee Deep in Holistic Alternatives, Rutgers Magazine (Winter 2014), Rutgers School of Health Related Professions is participating in a study to discover the effects of massage on knees. 

Our knees support our weight and carry us through so many daily activities they tend to wear out over time or become injured.  Those who suffer from osteoarthritis may be interested to know that massage – not just of the knees, but the whole body – may offer some relief. The idea is that by boosting out immune systems the effects of this condition may be alleviated. For the moment, surgery or drugs offer the only relief, but we'll be eager to learn the results of this study, and maybe consider having more routine massages.

I recently experienced knee pain from standing, with most of my considerable weight on one leg, for long periods of time. A bad choice was not wearing supportive shoes while standing. Once I corrected the posture and foot wear, I returned to exercising, a bit worried that I might do more damage. But after careful exercise, I found my knee was better. Keeping our joints and muscles moving is recommended by health professionals as a way to deal with arthritis.

Keeping blood circulating is important and that might be the reason for the theory that massage helps alleviate the symptoms of osteoarthritis in the knees. If that is the case, then a bit of heat treatment might help as well. Heat is known to stimulate circulation and improve flexibility.

Maine Warmers’ Knee Pack is a microwaveable heating pad that might be just the thing to bring comfort and blood circulation to the knee. For kids, and kids at heart, Maine Warmers offers an alligator and whale shaped Warmers, among other traditional and animal shaped heating pads that not only provide soothing heat, but bring a smile too. And a smile is healing in itself.

Art and Technology

Artists today can present their designs to the world through the Web. In the past two decades markets have expanded with the technology of computers and the Internet, changing the world of art and marketing. The Internet continues to grow in leaps and bounds, and will continue.

When web sites became well-known and used for shopping in the late 1990's, I saw an opportunity to

Microwave Hand Warmers

market to the world the simple little microwave heating pads I had been designing, making, and giving to friends and family members for years. 

If my father had not introduced me to computers I may not have started Maine Warmers.While taking a Web Site Development class at University of Southern Maine, the instructor kept telling us that a strong resume included good writing skills along with technology skills. An artist creates within technical limitations, and as technology grows the boundaries of what can be accomplished expands.

Due to computers, the internet, and hours of designing, photographing, learning how to run a business, and learning new technologies around web site marketing, I continue to make Maine Warmers microwave heating pads available online. They are sold throughout the US in gift stores and other venues. See our web site for store locations and all of Maine Warmers products on one page.

Unique and Decorative Body Warmers in Animal Shapes

How to Improve Your Posture

Good posture is simple. It has to do with lifting your rib cage up away from your pelvis which then naturally aligns your spine, shoulders, neck and head. “Keep a neutral spine,” says my exercise teacher, “and the natural curve in you lower spine.” Good posture helps you keep those abdominal muscles tucked in too.

It does not mean being uncomfortable or trying to maintain a contrived stressful position.

Extra Large Heating Pad for the Back

Good posture also lessens the stress on joints. According to an article, "The Power of Posture," in Arthritis Today, March-April 2014, (p. 27), good posture affects thinking and may provide an attitude of “power over pain," and ultimately, help you feel better.  The Arthritis Today Web site has some Tips for Good Posture. It may also keep you in better shape to take care of yourself longer as you age.

An examination by a physician may reveal abnormalities in the structure of the back that may prevent good posture. If you have difficulty maintaining good posture it may be worth a visit to a qualified medical professional to find out the cause. A physical therapist may also be a resource for helping establish a healthy posture.

Cozy Whale Microwave Back Warmer

If you need to relax tight back muscles from exercising or doing some strenuous activity, try an extra large Back Warmer from Maine Warmers. Even Yoga exercises can cause sore muscles. A Cozy Whale makes a lovely gift of comfort and care for a friend who deals with the joint pain of arthritis. A Snowy Owl Warmer (not pictured here) also provides heat to soothe tense muscles, ease cramps, and relax muscle spasms.

Snowy Owl Warmer

Emergence of Emergency Medical Technicians

At dinner last night we were talking about a man who collapsed on a street in Portland, Maine on Christmas Eve and how someone stopped to help him until the EMTs arrived. Today the man is back to living a normal life.

We take for granted that when there is a medical emergency an ambulance with trained personnel will be there ASAP to help. They’ll not only transport people to the nearest hospital, but they will perform procedures to help the victim survive while on the way.

It wasn’t until the early 1970's that a need for emergency personnel became an issue in Portland, Maine. A committee was established to look at setting up MEDCU, a new emergency response system designed to help people – not just transport them to the hospital. Before that, people were often transported in the back of a police car, a “Paddy Wagon,” or sometimes in a hearse to the hospital, and help was not administered until they arrived.

Today, EMTs, or Emergency Medical Technicians, are trained to administer IVs, give injections, administer life support, and more. Improved communication systems allow physicians to give directions to EMTs while en-route to the hospital.. The training is rigorous and requires hundreds of hours of education and often state certification.  

Helping people feel better is a great profession. Thankfully there are people who are willing to become EMTs and do this important job.

Maine Warmers' Microwave Neck Warmer

At Maine Warmers we provide products that help people feel better. Al-The-Gator brings comforting heat to relax stiff muscles. Cozy Sheep warm beds on cold winter nights and help stimulate circulation when physical activity is limited due to illness or surgery.

Ten Low Cost Ways to Kick Cabin Fever

I wasn’t sure why I felt so out of sorts, but when my husband said, “Let’s go snowshoeing,” it dawned on me that I was spending too much time inside working.

We gathered up our gear and headed outside. As we sweated our way through the snow, I began to feel refreshed and ready to think of other ways of getting out of the house. Here are ten that came to mind.

1. Call a friend to go for a walk or snowshoe. Go where it is safe from ice and snow – maybe at a school track, the Mall, a beach, or a public park or land trust.
2.  Go to the library and browse through the magazines you never get to see.
3.  Visit a museum. Most museums have a time that is free to the public.
4.   Join a book club.
5.   Take time to write down your goals – things you want to do or see in the coming year, or five years.  Forget what the costs are, and dream. Remember the song? "You have to have a dream to have it come true." Keep in mind that you can change the plans.
6.   Then research a trip or trips that you want to take in the summer.
7.   Finish a project that you have been meaning to complete.
8.   Start a new project that you have always wanted to do.
9.   Write a letter to a friend or family member who may be confined to indoors.
10.   Volunteer at a community event.

As we returned to the car with our snowshoes, collar open and gloves off, I thought, "I don't need a Maine

Maine Warmers' Microwave Hand Warmers

Warmer to keep me warm." In the evening I would need one to relax the stiff muscles.

For those who cannot be active, there are Hand Warmers and FootWarmers to help stimulate circulation and keep them warm. 

The Best Gift for Valentines' Day

Yesterday, a woman I met recently at the gym, asked me if I would like to go snowshoeing, walking, or doing some outside winter activity with her.  She lives near me and wrote her phone number on a sticky note and asked if I would call her. Of course, I said yes.

As I drove home, I remembered that wonderfully warm feeling as a child, when in elementary school, somebody passed me a note that said, “Will you be my friend?” or said, “Can you play today?”

If you want to make someone feel good on Valentines’ Day, pass a note that conveys your friendship, or spend time with them -- laugh, joke, reminisce, or read together. Let them know you enjoy their company. 

Polar Bear Hand and Body Warmer

If you want to give a gift of comfort, without calories, give a Cozy Polar Bear or Sheep microwave warmer. Many stores throughout the US sell Maine Warmers' Comforting Creatures.

  

Two Natural Foods to Help Reduce Inflammation

I read recently about two foods that are anti-inflammatory -- Salmon and Ginger. Used regularly, or taken as supplements (check with your physician first),  they may help ease the pain of arthritis. Check out the ARTHRITIS TODAY article, Nature-Made & Science Approved, in the Sept/Oct 2013 issue. BTW --finely chopped ginger tastes great in a veggie stir-fry.

Scientists are discovering how diet impacts our health, and changing what we eat can improve how we feel. There is no doubt in my mind that when we eat natural foods and skip the manufactured ones, we feel better.

After going on a gluten-free diet to reduce inflammation to ease the pain of arthritis I was able to live without the discomfort I had been experiencing.  A close friend adapted a gluten-free diet to deal with Colitis and experienced positive results, going from taking 16 pills a day and feeling miserable at times to zero pills and feeling great.

If the joints in your arthritic hands are sore and you need some relief, try a pair of reusable hand warmer mittens from Maine Warmers. Also, their Palm Packs and their Cozy Sheep (one of several Comforting Creatures) offer soothing warmth for cold hands or feet.

Sometimes people with arthritis need to use cold therapy to reduce swelling and pain. These microwave heating pads can be frozen and used for gentle ice -- not harsh like ice cubes.

Panda Bears in the Smithsonian

 I happened to read an article in The Smithsonian, Jan 2014, issue last week while in the dentist’s waiting room, about Panda Bears. The author, Susan Orlean, referred to them as “magical animals” and mentioned a YouTube  video called “Wang Dajun babysitting thePanda” or “Wang and the Panda.” 

These videos are fun to watch, as are those of the new Panda baby, Bao Bao,  at the National Zoo.  The author of this article said the Panda is a “unami of animals” which can be translated from the Japanese as "a pleasant savory taste.” I don’t think Ms. Orlean was talking about the Panda on a dinner plate.

Pandas Bears are intriguing and unique. The Webcam at the National Zoo is viewed regularly. I used to peek at the Webcam at the San Diego Zoo at 8 AM on the East Coast which is 5 AM on the West Coast. The Pandas are active at that time. I am not sure why it was so intriguing, but I loved watching these unique animals.

Maine Warmers Panda Bear Body Warmer

If you Google the two places you will probably come up with a link to the WebCam and will get to see these amazing creatures. Or view their photos and videos.

If you want to enjoy cuddling with a Panda, the safest one is Maine Warmers’ Panda Bear. It’s portable and safe. Enjoy it as a bed warmer or hand warmer. Just microwave it for a minute and a half and enjoy soothing warmth.