Finding the right person to talk to about death

Young people seem to have a hard time talking about death, even though they are curious about it.  Conversations about death make people uncomfortable.

I recently mentioned my mother’s wish to die to an acquaintance who asked about her. I could tell the conversation made this person uncomfortable and I tried to change the subject quickly. Injecting a little humor into a difficult conversation often makes a transition less awkward.

When someone is dying, the care-taker needs to maintain a healthy life balance. Having a confidant who can listen, understand, and empathize about the daily stresses of dealing with death is critical. Hospice has people who are trained, have experience, and are willing to be that person. Some people may have to deal with an impending death over a long period of time due to the nature of an illness and continued support is important.

If you need someone to talk to about death and family or friends are uncomfortable with the subject, then check out Hospice. They will help take care of you, too.

Dachshund microwave heating pads offer comforting companionship

Dealing with the discomfort of conversations about death

My grandmother’s wish to die seemed so unnatural to me when I was younger, but as I hear my mother utter, “I wish I could die,” I have more understanding.  She is dependent due to lack of mobility, inability to see or hear well, with little hope of improving.

Sometimes I try to make light of her “wishing to die” and respond by saying, “You’re too damn strong to die, Mom!” I try to shift the conversation to what is important to her after she dies and taking time to let her know the things I appreciate about her as a mother and that I will miss her.  

Her desire to die has a way of creeping into many discussions. Dwelling on the topic of dying doesn’t seem like a good idea. There are times when it is appropriate to remind her that I will do all in my power to make sure she is comfortable and does not feel any pain. Some repetition becomes security for her. Then shifting the discussion to remembering people who have died is more satisfying for both of us.

Discussions of my mother's expectation of death are more frequent, and as much as I try to make light of them, they do cause stress and anxiety. They make me wonder how I will handle my journey to the other side. I hope it will be with humor as much as possible. 

Panda Bear Microwave Body Warmer

The soothing warmth of a Maine Warmer helps me relax when I return home from the daily visits with my mom. 

Keeping humor in conversations with someone who is dying

Young or old, who wants to sit around and think about death when there is an opportunity to laugh?

When my children were babies and dependent I tried to make them happy and laugh. It is the same now with my mother. I try to find funny things to talk about with her like comical stories I read in the newspaper, funny things our grandchildren have done or said, humorous comments my husband makes, or something I have seen on Facebook. 

When my mother talks about death I listen. When she talks about wanting to die, the only way I can respond is to say that I understand her feelings, but she is strong and not ready yet.

I know while she is alive, she might as well try to have a good time, as long as she is physically and mentally up for it.  I am thankful that my mother has a sense of humor and is alert and aware, and that she has lived well into her nineties.

She is happy to have a Cozy Sheep Warmer to keep her company and comfy on cold

Cozy Sheep Bed & Body Warmer

winter nights.